You are probably exhausted before you have even started looking. When someone you love is ninety-seven years old, bedbound, doubly incontinent, and living with dementia, the weight of finding the right person to care for them is not just a logistical problem. It is a moral one. You are handing over something irreplaceable. You need to know that whoever walks through that door will be gentle, experienced, and will actually stay.

The fear underneath every search is the same: what if I get this wrong?

You are not getting it wrong by asking these questions. You are doing the hardest thing a family can do.

What this level of care actually involves

Caring for someone who is bedbound and doubly incontinent, and who also lives with dementia, is what the care sector calls complex care. It sits at the more demanding end of personal care, and it matters enormously that whoever takes it on has genuine, hands-on experience of all three things: the physical demands of repositioning and hygiene for someone who cannot move themselves, the specialist knowledge to work safely and compassionately with someone whose dementia may mean they do not recognise their carer from one visit to the next, and the steadiness to show up day after day without burning out.

According to the Alzheimer's Society, people living with dementia are often distressed by unfamiliar faces. A carer who is new every week is not just an inconvenience. For someone at this stage of dementia, a changing face can feel threatening. Consistency is not a luxury here. It is clinical.

Skills for Care, which sets the standards for care worker training in England, is clear that carers working with people who have dementia should have specific dementia awareness training, and that families and commissioners should be able to ask for evidence of it. When you speak to anyone who might care for your parent, asking what dementia training they have done is not being difficult. It is the right question.

What to look for before anyone comes through the door

Before you agree to any arrangement, there are a few things that any carer in a private arrangement or through an agency should be able to show you or tell you clearly.

First, a current DBS check. This is the Disclosure and Barring Service check that shows whether someone has a criminal record or has been barred from working with vulnerable adults. It does not expire automatically but anything more than three years old should prompt a conversation. Ask to see it.

Second, references from previous care roles. Not character references from friends. Actual professional references from someone they have worked for in a care setting. At least two. Ring them.

Third, evidence of relevant experience. Dementia care is its own discipline. So is managing the hygiene and skin-care needs of someone who is bedbound, where pressure sore prevention is a daily task. Ask specifically: have they cared for someone bedbound before? Have they worked with someone at this stage of dementia? What would they do if your parent became very distressed during personal care?

Fourth, and this one matters more than people realise: meet them in person before you commit to anything. A good carer will not find that request unreasonable. Someone who pushes back on it, or who cannot arrange a face-to-face meeting in advance, is telling you something.

What continuity actually means in practice

If your parent's dementia is advanced, they may not be able to tell you whether they feel safe with the person caring for them. That makes your vetting work on the front end more important than in almost any other situation.

It also means that once you have found someone they settle with, you want to protect that relationship. One carer who knows their routine, knows their preferences, knows that they like the window open or cannot bear the smell of a particular soap, is worth more than a rota of competent strangers. The Alzheimer's Society and Dementia UK both emphasise this. It is not sentimental. It is how dementia care works well.

If something does go wrong with any care arrangement, whether through an agency or privately, you can raise a concern with the Care Quality Commission at cqc.org.uk. If you have a complaint that cannot be resolved directly, the Local Government and Social Care Ombudsman handles complaints about adult social care in England.

Tonight or this week

If you are not sure where to start, ring the Dementia UK Admiral Nurse helpline on 0800 888 6678. Admiral Nurses specialise in supporting families of people living with dementia, and the call is free. They can help you think through what level of care your parent needs and what to look for in a carer. The Alzheimer's Society helpline (0333 150 3456) is also there for you. Neither organisation has any commercial stake in your decision. They are just there to help you think it through.

If you would rather talk to someone who can actually help find the right carer, we at Hibant are a London introductory care agency. Every carer we introduce has been DBS-checked, insurance-verified, and reference-checked before we put them in front of a family. You meet the carer in person before any arrangement begins, and you choose them yourself. We look specifically across our roster for carers with experience in complex care and dementia, and where a family has particular needs around continuity, that shapes who we look for first. If you want to talk through your parent's situation and whether we might be able to help, you can email us at [hello@hibantcare.com](mailto:hello@hibantcare.com) or visit [hibantcare.com](https://hibantcare.com).

Hibant

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