There is something quietly exhausting about this particular situation. You have worked out exactly what is needed: one hour, five mornings a week, help with a shower and getting dressed before the day starts. It sounds simple. Manageable, even. And yet the moment you start trying to find someone reliable enough to be alone with your parent at half past seven in the morning, five days a week, the simplicity disappears.

You are not looking for a care package. You are looking for a person. Someone steady, someone trustworthy, someone your parent will not feel uncomfortable with while they are at their most vulnerable, undressed and unsteady on their feet. That is not a small thing to ask of a stranger on a listings site.

If that is where you are right now, this piece is for you. Not to tell you you are doing it wrong, but to walk through the three things that catch families out at this stage, and what good actually looks like.

The continuity problem

One hour a day sounds like a modest ask, but in personal care, consistency matters more than in almost any other role. Your parent gets used to a particular pair of hands, a particular pace, a particular way of not rushing them. When that changes, even briefly, it registers. It can mean distress in someone with dementia. It can mean a fall in someone who freezes with an unfamiliar face. According to Skills for Care, high staff turnover is one of the most persistent quality problems in home care across the sector. Families often discover this only after the third different face has shown up in a fortnight.

Good care, in any arrangement, means one person who comes reliably. Not a rotating list of available workers. If you are arranging care privately, you have more control over this than most families realise, because you are hiring one specific person, not subscribing to a service that sends whoever is free that morning.

The question to ask before any arrangement starts is a simple one: if this person cannot make it one morning, what happens? The honest answer tells you everything you need to know about how much continuity you are actually being offered.

The vetting question

This is the one families feel awkward about raising, because it can feel like an accusation. It is not. It is a basic safeguarding step, and any decent carer who has been working in this field for any length of time will have their paperwork ready.

A DBS check, the criminal record check administered through the government's Disclosure and Barring Service, is the minimum. For someone working with a vulnerable adult alone in their home, you want an Enhanced DBS, not a basic one. That is a different document and covers a wider set of information. You can read about what each level covers at gov.uk.

Beyond the DBS check, you want to see evidence that the person is insured for care work. Not general liability insurance, but insurance that covers the specific tasks they are being asked to do: personal care, manual handling, assisting with mobility. A carer who is insured as a domestic cleaner is not covered if something goes wrong during a shower.

References matter too. Two, from previous care clients or employers, not personal character witnesses. And ask to speak to them directly, not just read a written testimonial.

None of this is paranoia. It is what Age UK and Citizens Advice both recommend as standard when families arrange private care. The Carers UK Helpline on 0808 808 7777 can also talk you through what questions to ask a prospective carer before any commitment is made.

The control piece

This is the part families often give away without realising, and later wish they had kept.

When you arrange care privately, you stay in the relationship directly. You know who is coming. You can adjust the arrangement if it is not working. You are not waiting for a coordinator to relay a message. If your parent is unwell one morning and needs a slightly different approach, you can say so the night before, to the actual person who will be there.

Good care, in any arrangement, looks like this: the family chooses the carer themselves, meets them in person before the arrangement begins, and has a direct line to them. There is no layer in between that fails on a Tuesday morning when your parent is already anxious and waiting.

Arranging privately gives you that. The trade-off is that the vetting work falls on you unless someone else has already done it.

Hibant is a London introductory care agency that exists precisely for this situation. We do the vetting work (DBS checks, insurance verification, reference checks) before introducing a carer to a family, so you keep the direct relationship and the control, without having to run the background checks yourself.

What families in this situation often tell us they wish they had known earlier is that the hour of care is not the hard part. The hard part is finding someone they can trust to be there reliably, five mornings a week, without supervision, with someone they love. That is the thing worth spending time on at the start.

One specific thing to do tomorrow morning

Before you post anywhere or reply to any application, write down three things: what you need the carer to do (specifically, not generally), what you will ask to see before anyone starts (DBS certificate, insurance, references), and how you will arrange a face-to-face meeting before any commitment. Having those three things clear in your own head means the first conversation with any candidate takes ten minutes instead of an hour, and you come away knowing whether to go further.

If you want to talk through any of this with someone first, the Carers UK Helpline on 0808 808 7777 is free, staffed by people who know the practical detail, and has no commercial stake in what you decide.

If you would rather have the vetting work already done before you meet anyone, this is exactly what we at Hibant do. We are a London introductory care agency. Every carer we introduce has been DBS-checked at Enhanced level, insurance-verified, and reference-checked before you meet them. You choose the person yourself, you meet them in person before anything begins, and from that point the relationship is directly between your family and your carer. You are not going through us every time something changes. If you would like to talk it through, you can email hello@hibantcare.com or take a look at what we do at hibantcare.com.

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